How do I stop having sex?

 nosexI am 19, 200Level and I have been dating a guy in my school for about a year. We are really in love and we hope to get married in five years time. We have been having sex at least twice a month since we started dating. Although we use contraceptives I am really scared of getting pregnant especially becuase my Mom is a pastor. I want to stop having sex, at least for now but each time I tell my boyfriend, he says I don’t love him. I don’t want to loose him.

Jane*

Dear Jane*,

While it is not surprising to have a boyfriend at 19 these days, you need to urgently slow down or discontinue your relatioship with your boyfriend before you cause yourself more heartaches. Although you have a good intention – marriage in mind but you have started your relationship with a wrong foot. I am guessing you started having sex right after you met, meaning your friendship is largely sustained by sex and not true love. Marriage or a long term relationship with your partner needs much more than sex to be sustained.

At this stage, you should be more focus on your education and making the best grades rather than a guy who won’t love you because you do not want to have sex with him.

At your age, I strongly encourage you to practise abstinence, when you do there will be no need getting scared of whether you are going to be pregnant or not. Contraceptives are originally meant for family planning and not to ‘put your mind at rest’ when you sleep with your boyfriend.

Being in love takes more than just the feeling to have sex. You can have sex with someone without being in love with the person and you can truly love a person and not have sex with the person until the time is right.

If you are really in love like you state then both of you should be able to keep it ‘clean’ now as you also stated that you intend to get married in five years time. Five years is a long time  and your perception of what true love means may change. You cannot even guarantee that you will still be in love with that person. This is the more reason you should focus on how to better your life. One other way to handle this is to talk to an older person, a parent or a counselor to guide you.

If you want to stop having sex with your boyfriend, you have to stop seeing him. There will not be much strenght to resist his demand for sex if you are still seeing him. This may be hard but not impossible because if he insists that you do not love him because you refuse to sleep with him it means that he only loves your body, the sex you give to him and does not care about you and your heart. The possibility is that he will be sleeping with someone else or even having several sexual partners. Guard and protect your heart, emotions and face your studies. A better man will come your way when the time is right and not love you because of the sex you are going to give him but for WHO YOU  ARE!

I hope this helps.

Emike Oyemade

*Jane is not a real name

Lack Of Inner Satisfaction Can Lead To Extra Marital Affairs

extra_marital_affairsThree years after Titi got married she was not as happy and satisfied as she had expected. She thought she probably got married for the wrong reasons. She was really never a happy person as a single lady. Not only was she from a poor background she was also from a broken home. She had thought that once she was married to Chidi all that would change. Although Chidi was well-to-do but he was not as ‘rich’ as Titi thought he was. She still wanted to own all the things she was not privileged growing up. Whenever she and Chidi had a misunderstanding she always felt it will lead to a break up. She was not only unhappy with her marriage; she also felt it would not last a long time. Confiding in her boss of her many fears about her marriage, he started to meet some of her financial and emotional needs while ‘counseling’ her on how to handle the situation. “If only I had met you before I married Chidi all these wouldn’t be happening to me.” She said one day while he wrote her a cheque to augment the money Chidi gave her that month for house keep. Quickly an affair started between them and Titi had ‘justifiable’ reasons – she was ‘helping’ Chidi with some of his unmet responsibilities.

Very helpful indeed!

When at 32 he was still single, Efe had every cause to be worried why his relationships hardly last up to six months. It will usually start rosy and assuring that he would get married to the lady then things will just go sour. One of his ex had once told him that ‘his standards’ were ‘too high’ for any lady to attain. All Efe wanted was a woman just like his mother. There were many qualities in his mother that made him conclude that she was the picture of an ideal woman. A typical African woman in ALL ramifications.

He started a relationship with an older colleague who he thought was so much alike with his mother in many ways. Sadly, this colleague was married so the relationship was just about satisfying fleshly lust. She was taken! He eventually got married to a divorcee but was not happy being married. He wished he had remained single.

I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well. Psalm 139:14

Affairs sometimes may be an indication of our inability to find satisfaction first as a person – who we really are. Funny how some people wish they were someone else. They want to talk, walk, dress and even breath like someone else! When we fail to appreciate whoever we are, we begin to look for who we think we should be in others.  The truth is that if you were never happy been single, there’s no way you are going to be happy being married. You have to be happy with who you are first! Unfortunately as some may believe our happiness is not dependent on others or what they do for us but ourselves. If you were not satisfied with other areas of your life, do not expect that marriage is going to do the magic, it may make it worse. You cannot give your best to your partner or to the relationship being unappreciative of yourself and your uniqueness.

Sometimes because of our experiences in past relationships we tend to place unrealistic expectations on marriage. When we do not get this from our spouse, the tendency is to seek it somewhere and from someone other than the spouse we once loved deeply. For instance, some people may believe in ‘love conquers all’ so they would prefer to ignore the little mistakes a spouse does and pretend not to see all the faults. For others it may not just work that way, they would prefer to ‘talk’ about the mistakes and faults so it does not happen again. So it will be unfair for you to think your relationship is not working or your spouse is being unreasonable if they do not buy into your idea of ‘love conquers all.” That you both are married does not necessarily mean he or she must do things your way.

Inner satisfaction is a treasure no one can give you no matter how hard they try or how expensive the gift they give you. It just lies within you and you have to reach deep within to get it and let it positively affect other areas of your life or else you will not get the best out of life itself. The truth is, when you are not satisfied with yourself  or when you do not appreciate yourself, there is no guarantee that you will even be satisfied with the person you are sleeping with. It’s just like looking for answers in the wrong places.

Be happy with yourself first before trying to make another person happy!

Emike Oyemade

HOW TO GO DISENTANGLE; breaking up an intending affair

wpid-best-way-to-get-over-a-break-upDisentanglement is the act of releasing from a snarled or tangled condition. A process of setting free; breaking the prison doors and letting loose. Do not be deceived, disentangling is not as easy as it seems or as people talk about it. It is going to break your heart and even hurt you till you cry, but if you know it is good for you and the happiness you share with your spouse then you will do it. This is not an overnight experience that you will feel everything will be normal and you will be instantly healed.  No way! It will take a lot of painful fights and strong will. It is going to be a process just as it took to create. You are going to allow some time and space for healing and to realize the lessons in the relationship. Yes lessons! At least you have learnt that a temporary feeling is not worth putting your emotion and marriage under stress.

  1. Back off! Just stop seeing the person! First take the decision and convince yourself that you can do it. Do all you can to stay away. Cry if you want but stay away.
  2. Bring back the Boundaries. Before you got to being entangled, there were limits to the friendship you had with this person. Go back and reintroduce them. Cut the excess familiarity.
  3. Clarity of communication. If you work in the same environment especially, it means you will still have to come in contact and cannot totally avoid him or her but you should be able to talk and discuss in plain terms. Not using the same coded languages you are used to in the entangled relationship.
  4. . Honest self-evaluation. Know yourself and be honest! Are you the one who is seeking and being pushy about being loved and getting attention? Then get counsel before the other partner takes advantage of this need and turns you into a sexual partner.
  5. Guard your heart. Don’t make your best friend someone you already have attractions for. Do not confide and share secrets or discuss personal issues with someone you already feel something for. It will encourage entanglement faster
  6.  Know when to say good bye. This is the hardest part for some people; they want to leave but do not want to close the door! Just in case they change their mind and come back. When you suspect that your feelins are leading you astray, say that goodbye and walk away.
  7. Know when to stop the conversation or be in control. You do not have to answer the phone call if you cannot handle it. Ignore it. If you let the other partner be in control of the conversation when they are not ready to disentangle, they are likely going to talk you more into the relationship. So if you are not in control of the discussion don’t get involved.
  8. Get a positive distraction. The truth is when in the process of disentangling, you are likely going to have your thoughts filled with this person than when you were in the relationship, this thoughts will make you feel you miss them and wish you can still continue. Instead of wallowing in this fantasy get involved in something that would get your mind off the thought. Get involved in what you love doing most, maybe your hobby.
  9. Move if you have to. Don’t fight it. If you cannot seem to get over that neighbour, colleague or anyone you are involved with, change location if you have to. Don’t pretend about it or try to manage it especially when the other person is not giving up on you or respecting your decision to disentangle.

10. Avoid being alone with the partner. Attractions race faster when in private and the longing to kiss and touch sensitive parts of the body is at the tip of the finger when alone.

11. Do not trust your emotions. Sometimes when we think we are done with the person and the feeling we have for them, our emotions can betray us when we come in contact with that person. Do not let your emotions play a trick on you. Those emotions are really stronger than you think. Be wise enough not to throw a beautiful marital relationship away for something that is not worth it.

12. Don’t keep talking about it once you have made the decision. Do everything to stick to it. You have made the decision, so move on. Do not revisit it. A come back would be a quick ticket to marital infidelity.

13. Do not apologise or give unnecesary explanations for deciding to disentangle. It is your life, your emotions and you have to guard your heart with all the care you have. Apologies and explanations will make you seem like you are not sure of the decision you took and your partner would see it as your way of coming back.

14. Call a trusted friend. Talk to someone. Sometimes, disentangling can be a very TOUGH road and you do not want to walk it alone. After you have tried all you could and seem not to be able to get the person out of your life, talking to a trusted friend can not only be soothing but helpful. A friend may not be able to solve the problem immediately but will ease the burden off your heart.

15. Cry, mourn if you need to but just remember to move on with your life! Ok you felt in love but it was not right. The times you spent together were memorable but you had to stop. Good. Now face reality and get on with your life.

I HAVE NEVER HAD A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP

Worried businesswomanI am 36 and I have never had a serious relationship. I cannot really say if I have even had a boy friend or what I would consider a serious relationship. It seems the guys I like and would love to date are not interested in me; none has dared to be intimate with me as I want. I had sex last when I was a teen. I miss and still crave the experience but I am afraid I do not want to give sex to just anyone. I am not that pretty neither do I have that kind of great shape that would make heads turn, but I do not believe I am ugly either. I am just okay for a lady but I do not know why none is yet to be serious with me. I feel am getting old and time is running out on me.

 Mercy*

Dear Mercy, I am not sure you are as worse as you make yourself seem in this letter. You mention some very important things that suggest you may be looking for love in the wrong places and with the wrong ideas in mind. The first thing you said is: the guys I like and would love to date are not interested in me. That means there are guys that are interested in dating you but you are not interested in them! Then you talked about sex and how much you miss the experience and crave for it. I hope this does not mean that the next man that comes your way just asking you for a lunch date you are going to sleep with him assuming that he is the right person.

You added I am not that pretty neither do I have that kind of great shape that would make heads turn, but I do not believe I am ugly either  and ended with a desperate comment!

You need to examine what you are really interested in and what you are expecting. Know what you want in a man and what you are expecting from your man. There are seemingly not-too-pretty women who are never without a man, the same way there are very pretty women who have never been in a serious relationship.

The women without partner stay in their zone and wait patiently for the right one to come. That does not mean there are men who are too good for them; it means they do not force a compatibility that is not there.

What are your criteria for your desired man? Are you looking for something that is just on the surface, tall, dark and handsome? Straight nose, broad chest, sparkling teeth? Are you moving too fast? Are you expecting too much? Are you dismissing men who may be potential serious relationship because you are too focused on what has proven not to work or did not work in the past? If you want a different result, you have to do something differently. If the criteria you are using is not working, you need to rework your plan.

You must have noticed women who you do not think measure up to you are either in serious relationships, engaged or even happily married.

A pretty woman like some model may be every man’s dream, but they also have thier own share of heartaches. Not every pretty woman is in a relationship and not all of them who are in a relationship are having fun. Movie stars and celebrities get divorced and dumped, worse of all in public! Your looks does not guarantee you happiness and no man takes your heart with him when he walks out the door. Well, excett you let him.

Are men driven by looks? Can a man want to date you because of your looks? Yes. To their credit, but when they want something deeper, they look beyond looks. Why are you assuming it is your looks anyway?

If you hear your clock ticking, reminding you of how old you are and how time is running out on you, chances are they (men) hear it too and to someone else whether it is a man or a lady, it sounds like desperation. That  is a HUGE turn off unless you find someone who is as desperate as you and that is not good basis for a relationship.

 You need to take a step backward and reacccess. Look at what you want in realistic way. Love is not something you rush into. Even if you have an instant reaction to someone, you need to make realistic decisions about how you will act. Enjoy the moment instead of projecting your future on the men you meet. Start by simply meeting with people. Get comfortable with that and you will start noticing realistically what men you attract and who you are attracted to. Then, you can start building towards friendship. Once you are comfortable there, you can start looking at long term relationships. It could take weeks, months or even years, but until you get there, you will be learning more about yourself, what you like or dislike in preparation for Mr. Right.

*Not real name

BIG ISSUES IN MARRIAGE THAT APPEARS SMALL 1

MONEY IS A BIG ISSUE

naira_883674094Temisan was still bent on buying the black dinner dress she saw on her way home that evening. She thought it was lovely and would look nice on her when she wears it on their second wedding anniversary dinner.

“Temi, that dress is way too expensive. Our budget is tight and you won’t even wear that dress for long with the baby on the way.” Thompson was trying not to get angry about the dress again. They have been on this dress for three days and he felt it was just one of the ways Temi wasted their hard earned money.

“I can always wear the dress after the baby. And we can afford it. You told me you just got a rise in pay.” She was determined.

“You also got promoted. So use your money! I don’t have money to buy you anohter dress after the ones I have bought during our last vacation. You have not even worn most of them.”

“Fine. Then I will withdraw some money tomorow from the Joint Account.”

“You better don’t go there! That money is not for fivololities! Use your salary!” This time the fire of anger showed in his eyes.

“I just hate your attitude when it comes to money, yet you say you love me and you won’t buy me what I asked. Just a dress.” she started to sob remembering all the nice times they had while dating. Tom was sweet and charming, he bought her everything she requested without asking what she needed them for. He changed right after marriage. She wished she knew then that he was only pretending.

Thompsom took a pillow and started to walk out of the bedroom.

“I know you don’t care! Go! Go and sleep in the guestroom as you usually do after every money talk.” She exploded into a louder sob as Thompson slammed the door hard behind him.

For a long time he couldnt sleep. He kept wondering if Temisan was being influenced by some new friends at her place of work. She never was this demanding and was content with whatever she had. Worse of all she had become unresasonable about spending. Why would she understand that a raise in salary does not necessarily translate to increasing expenses. Their two years dating and courtship was almost hitch-free but their two years of living together as husband and wife has been the opposite.

The money fights between Temisan and Thompson and some couples is not uncommon. It is in fact one of the most causes of marital misunderstanding and even break up. One of the best and most effective way of settling this type difference is to talk about it.

It is one of the most frequent causes of marital friction. If you haven’t talked about it before the wedding, talk about it now. The sooner you establish a spending plan and agree on it, the more arguments you’ll avoid down the line.

ARGUMENTS CAN RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE

Talk to the handEse and John had not been in talking terms for almost a week and she was not ready to end the silent war until John acknowledges his wrongs and apologizes. In their six years of marriage, John had concluded that Ese had an attitude he wished he noticed before he married her. She hardly let go off issues no matter how much he apologized. One misunderstanding usually leads to another and she wouldn’t stop talking about it maliciously until she was satisfied. His only concern was that their children could be misguided on what a happy home should be.

On this morning, John’s mother had called to say she needed some money urgently for an undisclosed project. Considering that their purse hasn’t been that rosy, Ese felt John should have told his mother that they did not have enough money to spare.

“Ese, this is MY MOTHER we are talking about here and not just some neighbour! I am writing her a cheque.” He said trying to control his anger.

“John, you would do no such thing! Let her go to her siblings.  Let her go to your brother or sister, you are not the only child. We still have bills to take care of!” Her voice was loud and shaky. John is as impossible as his mother. She thought.

They already had an argument over-night because they had not had sex for five days, either she or John was usually tired or ‘not in the mood.’ John’s mother’s request for money brought fresh arguments that morning as they drove to the office. Ese talked about how angry she had been since the previous month when John’s sister came to ask for school fees and when he bought his father a new pair of shoes. John could not understand why Ese secretarywas not his easy-going secretary with whom he had been confiding lately. She seemed to understand him better than his wife! He wished Ese would just be friends with his secretary and learn from her how to treat a man like him. He knew that was not possible but he had started finding it hard to stay away from fantasizing that secretary could have been his wife. They have started sharing intimate hugs and pecks. Sometimes at work, John would spend the afternoon talking about issues he wished Ese would be patient enough to listen to. Although John kept reminding himself that he was married with children at home he found it hard to stop sharing intimate times with his secretary especially after a misunderstanding with his wife.

Ese was not just suspicious she knew her husband had a confidant aside her but was not sure if it was a male or female. There had been too many arguments in their marriage that they could not remember when or how it started but they were both aware that if they didn’t get help or amicably talk about it their marriage would experience the worse.

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil… 2 Timothy 2:23-24 ESV

You must understand that marital problems are natural and peculiar. There is no beautiful marriage that does not have its down times no matter how wonderful a spouse is. Same way that even the most seemingly ugly marriage has also experienced some beautiful times.

There will always be stormy times but you must learn to float, swim or paddle a canoe to get to the other side. Even the seemingly made-in-heaven marriages sometimes do have problems. Seeming professionals and great counselors/teachers in the area of marriage do have their own challenges too. They have only just learnt how to spot a hole of adultery and take hold of the situation before it gets rooted.

Before we met and married our spouses, we were first different individuals from different background, beliefs, principles etc now trying to become one with someone who may totally be the opposite of what we have always known and be. Even siblings and identical twins that are born of and brought up by the same parents do sometimes have problems how much more trying to live with someone totally different, someone that may even be a different race. You only discovered that in the process of uniting with your spouse there would be problems because as necessary as change maybe it is not easily acceptable.

Arguements in marriage may stem from any issue that a couple considers to be important and affects the union (or a spouse) directly or indirectly. These may include; finances, beliefs and principles (as a result of differences in upbringing and environment), infidelity, physical and verbal abuse, loss of a child, childlessness, extended family (in-laws and friends), addictions (not just to drugs or alcohol but a particular nasty habit), health problems, competition of roles (who should do what or be responsible for what), intimacy, boundaries, sex, religion, the list is endless. Many marriages in one way or the other experience one or more of these issues as the couple get to integrate more into the union. This however should not affect the marriage, just let the season pass and you will see that things will become better again.

wed3Sometimes those who have been married for over thirty years or more still have marital problems but are still loving each other! What is keeping them on? By experience, they have learnt how to handle the situation and how not to deal with their spouse. Conflict situations are meant to better the relationship and not to tear it apart. But this largely depends on how each of the partners handles the change when it comes. In later years for most couple, although these issues may still be there but are hardly noticeable because both parties have decided not to let it disturb the love and peace of the marriage. They just choose to ignore it.

Stop the arguements and focus on making your relationship better.

Emike

Cheating by Mistake

5Temi and Dele were married for only a year and half when she started ‘feeling’ she married the ‘wrong’ person. Unlike when they were dating Dele hardly had time for her anymore. They hardly talked about anything Temi considered to be meaningful. It was either about activities at his office or a new contract of his interest. Worse still, when they have to go out it was either to church or his parent’s place. Although she tried to talk it over with Dele on several occasions, he seemed not to understand. So they usually end up arguing and faulting each other. Temi thought getting a counsellor could help but Dele didn’t consider that there was a big-problem-enough to see a counsellor.

Temi finally found solace in a colleague whom she trusted. He was a part-time pastor and at some occasion counselled couples. She decided to talk the issue over with PastorAB as he was usually called. He counselled her and prayed with her but the situation didn’t change immediately as Temi had expected.

Dele got a promotion and was transferred to Abuja to head a new branch. It broke Temi’s heart because she felt she was already losing him. Still she talked to PastorAB who said, “Give him some time. He still loves you. Men are just that crazy about their jobs especially when his vocation is his passion.” She decided to let the matter rest while she hoped on God to restore the intimacy in their marriage.

It was easy for her to cope with Dele’s absence since she had PastorAB to always talk with. She began to look forward to getting to the office since there was always something to talk about. PastorAB proved to be a very caring colleague and brother as he bought her lunch and checked on her every night to see if she arrived home safely. For once she wished she could swap husbands with PastorAB’s wife, he was what every woman would pray for.

Once when Temi was working late, PastorAB decided to keep her company until she was ready to go home. Fair enough, he called his home to make excuses that he would be late. As she worked, they chatted about everything and Temi was surprised at how intimate she had become with another man other than her husband, but the feeling was good. PastorAB did not seem like a bad person besides he made her happy and covers up for all the loneliness Dele’s absence would have caused her.

Oneday, Temi worked late. It was almost past 10pm when she started to clear her table to leave. He stood behind her watching her every move. The more she came close the more she felt she could give him a hug to say ‘thank you for keeping me company’. They had never hugged although they had been in close contact in the last days. As he made to get the door for her, she could not resist the urge to say that very special thank you to someone who had been this sacrificial. She gave him a tight hug and did not surprise PastorAB who responded with same urgency and yearning. It led to a long hug that made them do what they didn’t plan for. Or maybe planned somewhere in their subconscious. It was a long desired-passionate kiss. Dele had been away for nearly six weeks and she terribly missed him, couple with all their incessant fights before he travelled. She needed this, besides he would never know.

That one night led to others and some weekends. Even when Dele was in town he never suspected anything about his wife’s colleague who sometimes gave her a lift and appeared unsualy extra nice to her.

Temi decided to seek help when she discovered she was pregnant and was not sure whose baby it was.

You would agree with me that this is not just a story or a scene from a romantic movie or novel. The truth is, contrary to what some people (Christians inclusive) believe, extra-marital affairs never “just happen.” There are no such things as, “I didn’t know how it began we just started sleeping together,” or as some would say, “the devil made us do it.” Affairs are no mistakes. Those who indulge in it just chose to turn deaf ears to the warning bells in their heads.

Whether one agrees or not, extra marital affair is a premeditated act. It occurs in the mind before it actually takes place. It is why Christians are warned to be careful with what they feast their eyes on or what they listen to because these are the entrances to the mind where meditation takes place. Your meditations then determine your actions. So we can say that you actually become what you meditate because your actions are expression of who you truely are. If a man begins to imagine what the bare body of a female colleague looks like, he will also imagine what it will feel like and sometime soon he will want to touch her to satisfy what has been going on in his mind. He has to conciously put an end to it if he does not want ‘trouble’. If the female colleague has also been appreciating his lustful passes she begins to desire his touches too and a desire for a closeness. If these desires are not checked both of them can begin an affair which they may term to have happened ‘accidentally’. Ignorant of the fact that it started with a small spark.

There are no accidental affairs!

Culled from my book CAUGHT IN THE ACT

FOLLOW YOUR HEART MORE THAN YOUR HEAD

heartMy mum use to say “it is your heart that tells you who to spend the rest of your life with but your head only tells you who is only good enough for dates!” The head could get carried away and make irrational decisions but not so with the heart. It is better to trust your heart than your head, your heart can always guide you, and right.

When you are making life worth decisions don’t just ‘think’ with your head but follow your heart. Instincts originates from the heart and you must learn to trust your instincts about other people, suggestions, advice that directly relates to the you and act on them. If an idea, advice, suggestion or a person’s contribution (no matter how fantastic it may seem) does not feel right for you, do not take it even if it works wonders for others.

Some people may get disappointed if they give you an advice and you do not follow but the truth is you do not really need to give any explanation for deciding what works for you.

If you follow your head and what everyone says to you, you may never achieve what your heart really desires.

So which would you rather follow?

LET REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES BE YOUR GUIDE

life-lessonsMy first investment was with a ‘wonderbank’. I got my bank account burnt into aches! It was well over a hundred thousand and it was good monring at that time because i had just left school and was just beginning to save. Then a friend told me about this bank that if you put in your money it will doubled before the end of the month. I actually confirmed this from those who benefited from it. I took ALL the money had and right into this ‘wonderbank’. I made a list of what I would do with the money once I get it. My hopes never saw the light as the Federal government pounced on all such activities and my hard savings was gone too! for weeks I prayed that the goverenment will be libral enough to revert the ban. Up till this day I am still positive that i will get back my money but I learnt my LESSONS!

In life you only become better as you allow your own experiences become your best teacher. What have you done before that if given same opportunity you would do not just differently but better? If you fail at your first attempt, do you give up? Do you attempt to take another? A failure is one who refuses to make another attempt after he failed the first time. You are not a failure until you give up, no matter the number of times you have tried before.

Learn how to make decisions based on your own experiences of what works for you and what does not. Let the lessons from those experiences form the bedrock for which you will take a leap. As much as it is good to learn from other people’s experiences, it is easier to apply lessons from your own. When you are in track to getting done what you believe is right for you, naturally people will ask questions and even try to talk you down or talk you out of it but you have to stay focused. These are external voices, ignore them so you can listen to your inner voice and move on.

Never forget, people will always talk, whether you are doing well or not but it is up to you to let what they think and talk slow you down or cause you to take a leap to your next level.

INGLORIOUS SAINT -the series coming soon……November 9

in glorious (1)ABOUT THE BOOK

DESIRES. FAME. DECEIT. LUST. GREED.

God will be the judge of them all.

Osagie Peterman feared God and believed no one can get anything except given by God. Having faithfully served for more than 10 years all he got was mere deaconship! Yet he was content to his dying day.

His son, Ovie Peterman didn’t think so. As far as he was concerned his father was the greatest weakling God made the mistake of creating. Ovie’s ambition was not only to become a pastor or claim his father’s entitlement.

The fame, the influence, the fleet of cars, the money and…the beautiful women are part of the benefits of being a Church leader. These, Ovie is determined to claim or die trying.

This is a contemporary story of faith and God’s unconditional and redemptive love.

Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be as white as snow. Though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.