Cheating by Mistake

5Temi and Dele were married for only a year and half when she started ‘feeling’ she married the ‘wrong’ person. Unlike when they were dating Dele hardly had time for her anymore. They hardly talked about anything Temi considered to be meaningful. It was either about activities at his office or a new contract of his interest. Worse still, when they have to go out it was either to church or his parent’s place. Although she tried to talk it over with Dele on several occasions, he seemed not to understand. So they usually end up arguing and faulting each other. Temi thought getting a counsellor could help but Dele didn’t consider that there was a big-problem-enough to see a counsellor.

Temi finally found solace in a colleague whom she trusted. He was a part-time pastor and at some occasion counselled couples. She decided to talk the issue over with PastorAB as he was usually called. He counselled her and prayed with her but the situation didn’t change immediately as Temi had expected.

Dele got a promotion and was transferred to Abuja to head a new branch. It broke Temi’s heart because she felt she was already losing him. Still she talked to PastorAB who said, “Give him some time. He still loves you. Men are just that crazy about their jobs especially when his vocation is his passion.” She decided to let the matter rest while she hoped on God to restore the intimacy in their marriage.

It was easy for her to cope with Dele’s absence since she had PastorAB to always talk with. She began to look forward to getting to the office since there was always something to talk about. PastorAB proved to be a very caring colleague and brother as he bought her lunch and checked on her every night to see if she arrived home safely. For once she wished she could swap husbands with PastorAB’s wife, he was what every woman would pray for.

Once when Temi was working late, PastorAB decided to keep her company until she was ready to go home. Fair enough, he called his home to make excuses that he would be late. As she worked, they chatted about everything and Temi was surprised at how intimate she had become with another man other than her husband, but the feeling was good. PastorAB did not seem like a bad person besides he made her happy and covers up for all the loneliness Dele’s absence would have caused her.

Oneday, Temi worked late. It was almost past 10pm when she started to clear her table to leave. He stood behind her watching her every move. The more she came close the more she felt she could give him a hug to say ‘thank you for keeping me company’. They had never hugged although they had been in close contact in the last days. As he made to get the door for her, she could not resist the urge to say that very special thank you to someone who had been this sacrificial. She gave him a tight hug and did not surprise PastorAB who responded with same urgency and yearning. It led to a long hug that made them do what they didn’t plan for. Or maybe planned somewhere in their subconscious. It was a long desired-passionate kiss. Dele had been away for nearly six weeks and she terribly missed him, couple with all their incessant fights before he travelled. She needed this, besides he would never know.

That one night led to others and some weekends. Even when Dele was in town he never suspected anything about his wife’s colleague who sometimes gave her a lift and appeared unsualy extra nice to her.

Temi decided to seek help when she discovered she was pregnant and was not sure whose baby it was.

You would agree with me that this is not just a story or a scene from a romantic movie or novel. The truth is, contrary to what some people (Christians inclusive) believe, extra-marital affairs never “just happen.” There are no such things as, “I didn’t know how it began we just started sleeping together,” or as some would say, “the devil made us do it.” Affairs are no mistakes. Those who indulge in it just chose to turn deaf ears to the warning bells in their heads.

Whether one agrees or not, extra marital affair is a premeditated act. It occurs in the mind before it actually takes place. It is why Christians are warned to be careful with what they feast their eyes on or what they listen to because these are the entrances to the mind where meditation takes place. Your meditations then determine your actions. So we can say that you actually become what you meditate because your actions are expression of who you truely are. If a man begins to imagine what the bare body of a female colleague looks like, he will also imagine what it will feel like and sometime soon he will want to touch her to satisfy what has been going on in his mind. He has to conciously put an end to it if he does not want ‘trouble’. If the female colleague has also been appreciating his lustful passes she begins to desire his touches too and a desire for a closeness. If these desires are not checked both of them can begin an affair which they may term to have happened ‘accidentally’. Ignorant of the fact that it started with a small spark.

There are no accidental affairs!

Culled from my book CAUGHT IN THE ACT