Disentanglement is the act of releasing from a snarled or tangled condition. A process of setting free; breaking the prison doors and letting loose. Do not be deceived, disentangling is not as easy as it seems or as people talk about it. It is going to break your heart and even hurt you till you cry, but if you know it is good for you and the happiness you share with your spouse then you will do it. This is not an overnight experience that you will feel everything will be normal and you will be instantly healed. No way! It will take a lot of painful fights and strong will. It is going to be a process just as it took to create. You are going to allow some time and space for healing and to realize the lessons in the relationship. Yes lessons! At least you have learnt that a temporary feeling is not worth putting your emotion and marriage under stress.
- Back off! Just stop seeing the person! First take the decision and convince yourself that you can do it. Do all you can to stay away. Cry if you want but stay away.
- Bring back the Boundaries. Before you got to being entangled, there were limits to the friendship you had with this person. Go back and reintroduce them. Cut the excess familiarity.
- Clarity of communication. If you work in the same environment especially, it means you will still have to come in contact and cannot totally avoid him or her but you should be able to talk and discuss in plain terms. Not using the same coded languages you are used to in the entangled relationship.
- . Honest self-evaluation. Know yourself and be honest! Are you the one who is seeking and being pushy about being loved and getting attention? Then get counsel before the other partner takes advantage of this need and turns you into a sexual partner.
- Guard your heart. Don’t make your best friend someone you already have attractions for. Do not confide and share secrets or discuss personal issues with someone you already feel something for. It will encourage entanglement faster
- Know when to say good bye. This is the hardest part for some people; they want to leave but do not want to close the door! Just in case they change their mind and come back. When you suspect that your feelins are leading you astray, say that goodbye and walk away.
- Know when to stop the conversation or be in control. You do not have to answer the phone call if you cannot handle it. Ignore it. If you let the other partner be in control of the conversation when they are not ready to disentangle, they are likely going to talk you more into the relationship. So if you are not in control of the discussion don’t get involved.
- Get a positive distraction. The truth is when in the process of disentangling, you are likely going to have your thoughts filled with this person than when you were in the relationship, this thoughts will make you feel you miss them and wish you can still continue. Instead of wallowing in this fantasy get involved in something that would get your mind off the thought. Get involved in what you love doing most, maybe your hobby.
- Move if you have to. Don’t fight it. If you cannot seem to get over that neighbour, colleague or anyone you are involved with, change location if you have to. Don’t pretend about it or try to manage it especially when the other person is not giving up on you or respecting your decision to disentangle.
10. Avoid being alone with the partner. Attractions race faster when in private and the longing to kiss and touch sensitive parts of the body is at the tip of the finger when alone.
11. Do not trust your emotions. Sometimes when we think we are done with the person and the feeling we have for them, our emotions can betray us when we come in contact with that person. Do not let your emotions play a trick on you. Those emotions are really stronger than you think. Be wise enough not to throw a beautiful marital relationship away for something that is not worth it.
12. Don’t keep talking about it once you have made the decision. Do everything to stick to it. You have made the decision, so move on. Do not revisit it. A come back would be a quick ticket to marital infidelity.
13. Do not apologise or give unnecesary explanations for deciding to disentangle. It is your life, your emotions and you have to guard your heart with all the care you have. Apologies and explanations will make you seem like you are not sure of the decision you took and your partner would see it as your way of coming back.
14. Call a trusted friend. Talk to someone. Sometimes, disentangling can be a very TOUGH road and you do not want to walk it alone. After you have tried all you could and seem not to be able to get the person out of your life, talking to a trusted friend can not only be soothing but helpful. A friend may not be able to solve the problem immediately but will ease the burden off your heart.
15. Cry, mourn if you need to but just remember to move on with your life! Ok you felt in love but it was not right. The times you spent together were memorable but you had to stop. Good. Now face reality and get on with your life.