Worried businesswomanI am 36 and I have never had a serious relationship. I cannot really say if I have even had a boy friend or what I would consider a serious relationship. It seems the guys I like and would love to date are not interested in me; none has dared to be intimate with me as I want. I had sex last when I was a teen. I miss and still crave the experience but I am afraid I do not want to give sex to just anyone. I am not that pretty neither do I have that kind of great shape that would make heads turn, but I do not believe I am ugly either. I am just okay for a lady but I do not know why none is yet to be serious with me. I feel am getting old and time is running out on me.


Dear Mercy, I am not sure you are as worse as you make yourself seem in this letter. You mention some very important things that suggest you may be looking for love in the wrong places and with the wrong ideas in mind. The first thing you said is: the guys I like and would love to date are not interested in me. That means there are guys that are interested in dating you but you are not interested in them! Then you talked about sex and how much you miss the experience and crave for it. I hope this does not mean that the next man that comes your way just asking you for a lunch date you are going to sleep with him assuming that he is the right person.

You added I am not that pretty neither do I have that kind of great shape that would make heads turn, but I do not believe I am ugly either  and ended with a desperate comment!

You need to examine what you are really interested in and what you are expecting. Know what you want in a man and what you are expecting from your man. There are seemingly not-too-pretty women who are never without a man, the same way there are very pretty women who have never been in a serious relationship.

The women without partner stay in their zone and wait patiently for the right one to come. That does not mean there are men who are too good for them; it means they do not force a compatibility that is not there.

What are your criteria for your desired man? Are you looking for something that is just on the surface, tall, dark and handsome? Straight nose, broad chest, sparkling teeth? Are you moving too fast? Are you expecting too much? Are you dismissing men who may be potential serious relationship because you are too focused on what has proven not to work or did not work in the past? If you want a different result, you have to do something differently. If the criteria you are using is not working, you need to rework your plan.

You must have noticed women who you do not think measure up to you are either in serious relationships, engaged or even happily married.

A pretty woman like some model may be every man’s dream, but they also have thier own share of heartaches. Not every pretty woman is in a relationship and not all of them who are in a relationship are having fun. Movie stars and celebrities get divorced and dumped, worse of all in public! Your looks does not guarantee you happiness and no man takes your heart with him when he walks out the door. Well, excett you let him.

Are men driven by looks? Can a man want to date you because of your looks? Yes. To their credit, but when they want something deeper, they look beyond looks. Why are you assuming it is your looks anyway?

If you hear your clock ticking, reminding you of how old you are and how time is running out on you, chances are they (men) hear it too and to someone else whether it is a man or a lady, it sounds like desperation. That  is a HUGE turn off unless you find someone who is as desperate as you and that is not good basis for a relationship.

 You need to take a step backward and reacccess. Look at what you want in realistic way. Love is not something you rush into. Even if you have an instant reaction to someone, you need to make realistic decisions about how you will act. Enjoy the moment instead of projecting your future on the men you meet. Start by simply meeting with people. Get comfortable with that and you will start noticing realistically what men you attract and who you are attracted to. Then, you can start building towards friendship. Once you are comfortable there, you can start looking at long term relationships. It could take weeks, months or even years, but until you get there, you will be learning more about yourself, what you like or dislike in preparation for Mr. Right.

*Not real name


  1. Well am not 36, buh dis I know u need to know what u want to get wat u want. You can’t jst go with any guy jst because he has the physical requirements u want. And cause u re craving, cos wen ur craving goes reality sets in and that might be regrets. So I would advice u go on dates, talk a lot about evrytin and anything and be sure before u go in. Lastly forget ur age reminding urself evry time about ur age would make u always sound desperate.

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