How do I stop having sex?

 nosexI am 19, 200Level and I have been dating a guy in my school for about a year. We are really in love and we hope to get married in five years time. We have been having sex at least twice a month since we started dating. Although we use contraceptives I am really scared of getting pregnant especially becuase my Mom is a pastor. I want to stop having sex, at least for now but each time I tell my boyfriend, he says I don’t love him. I don’t want to loose him.

Jane*

Dear Jane*,

While it is not surprising to have a boyfriend at 19 these days, you need to urgently slow down or discontinue your relatioship with your boyfriend before you cause yourself more heartaches. Although you have a good intention – marriage in mind but you have started your relationship with a wrong foot. I am guessing you started having sex right after you met, meaning your friendship is largely sustained by sex and not true love. Marriage or a long term relationship with your partner needs much more than sex to be sustained.

At this stage, you should be more focus on your education and making the best grades rather than a guy who won’t love you because you do not want to have sex with him.

At your age, I strongly encourage you to practise abstinence, when you do there will be no need getting scared of whether you are going to be pregnant or not. Contraceptives are originally meant for family planning and not to ‘put your mind at rest’ when you sleep with your boyfriend.

Being in love takes more than just the feeling to have sex. You can have sex with someone without being in love with the person and you can truly love a person and not have sex with the person until the time is right.

If you are really in love like you state then both of you should be able to keep it ‘clean’ now as you also stated that you intend to get married in five years time. Five years is a long time  and your perception of what true love means may change. You cannot even guarantee that you will still be in love with that person. This is the more reason you should focus on how to better your life. One other way to handle this is to talk to an older person, a parent or a counselor to guide you.

If you want to stop having sex with your boyfriend, you have to stop seeing him. There will not be much strenght to resist his demand for sex if you are still seeing him. This may be hard but not impossible because if he insists that you do not love him because you refuse to sleep with him it means that he only loves your body, the sex you give to him and does not care about you and your heart. The possibility is that he will be sleeping with someone else or even having several sexual partners. Guard and protect your heart, emotions and face your studies. A better man will come your way when the time is right and not love you because of the sex you are going to give him but for WHO YOU  ARE!

I hope this helps.

Emike Oyemade

*Jane is not a real name

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