Three years after Titi got married she was not as happy and satisfied as she had expected. She thought she probably got married for the wrong reasons. She was really never a happy person as a single lady. Not only was she from a poor background she was also from a broken home. She had thought that once she was married to Chidi all that would change. Although Chidi was well-to-do but he was not as ‘rich’ as Titi thought he was. She still wanted to own all the things she was not privileged growing up. Whenever she and Chidi had a misunderstanding she always felt it will lead to a break up. She was not only unhappy with her marriage; she also felt it would not last a long time. Confiding in her boss of her many fears about her marriage, he started to meet some of her financial and emotional needs while ‘counseling’ her on how to handle the situation. “If only I had met you before I married Chidi all these wouldn’t be happening to me.” She said one day while he wrote her a cheque to augment the money Chidi gave her that month for house keep. Quickly an affair started between them and Titi had ‘justifiable’ reasons – she was ‘helping’ Chidi with some of his unmet responsibilities.
Very helpful indeed!
When at 32 he was still single, Efe had every cause to be worried why his relationships hardly last up to six months. It will usually start rosy and assuring that he would get married to the lady then things will just go sour. One of his ex had once told him that ‘his standards’ were ‘too high’ for any lady to attain. All Efe wanted was a woman just like his mother. There were many qualities in his mother that made him conclude that she was the picture of an ideal woman. A typical African woman in ALL ramifications.
He started a relationship with an older colleague who he thought was so much alike with his mother in many ways. Sadly, this colleague was married so the relationship was just about satisfying fleshly lust. She was taken! He eventually got married to a divorcee but was not happy being married. He wished he had remained single.
I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well. Psalm 139:14
Affairs sometimes may be an indication of our inability to find satisfaction first as a person – who we really are. Funny how some people wish they were someone else. They want to talk, walk, dress and even breath like someone else! When we fail to appreciate whoever we are, we begin to look for who we think we should be in others. The truth is that if you were never happy been single, there’s no way you are going to be happy being married. You have to be happy with who you are first! Unfortunately as some may believe our happiness is not dependent on others or what they do for us but ourselves. If you were not satisfied with other areas of your life, do not expect that marriage is going to do the magic, it may make it worse. You cannot give your best to your partner or to the relationship being unappreciative of yourself and your uniqueness.
Sometimes because of our experiences in past relationships we tend to place unrealistic expectations on marriage. When we do not get this from our spouse, the tendency is to seek it somewhere and from someone other than the spouse we once loved deeply. For instance, some people may believe in ‘love conquers all’ so they would prefer to ignore the little mistakes a spouse does and pretend not to see all the faults. For others it may not just work that way, they would prefer to ‘talk’ about the mistakes and faults so it does not happen again. So it will be unfair for you to think your relationship is not working or your spouse is being unreasonable if they do not buy into your idea of ‘love conquers all.” That you both are married does not necessarily mean he or she must do things your way.
Inner satisfaction is a treasure no one can give you no matter how hard they try or how expensive the gift they give you. It just lies within you and you have to reach deep within to get it and let it positively affect other areas of your life or else you will not get the best out of life itself. The truth is, when you are not satisfied with yourself or when you do not appreciate yourself, there is no guarantee that you will even be satisfied with the person you are sleeping with. It’s just like looking for answers in the wrong places.
Be happy with yourself first before trying to make another person happy!