Money Matter: To Tell or Not to Tell

naira-and-dollarLast week when I sampled some opinions about couples, who engage in verbal and physical abuse to settle issues, I didn’t know that I was only stirring the hornet nest. I got replies that got me wondering; that there are more women who beat their husband especially with tongue lashes.  I mentioned in my story that the husband beat up his wife because she didn’t want him to know how much she had in her bank account. Interestingly, that line caught more attention than the major issue discussed. This prompted me to also find out from some people what really is the issue between husband, wife, and money?

One of my older colleagues Vivian, was having problems trusting her husband because her husband never tells the truth when it comes to money. The last brawl they had was also because of money. Vivian asked that her husband increased the monthly allowance for the upkeep of the home because she discovered a letter where it was stated that her husband’s salary was slightly increased. The man refused stating that his salary had even been reduced because the company was having some internal problems. Vivian didn’t agree to this and so decided that she would not be telling the man whenever she had money.  This didn’t go well with the man who felt that his wife must be submissive in all ways including with her money.

This is not just with Vivian and her husband, it is common in most marital relationships for money to be the major issue of concern. The truth is just like the Bible says that the love of money is the root of all evil, it is also the enemy of successful marriages. I hear some men say women like money too much. Fine, but will the relationship be sweet if there is no money to spend? If the couple can reach an understanding on how their money should be disbursed it makes handling finances easy in the home. If you cannot be transparent about your money with your spouse, chances are that you may find it difficult to be transparent with each other in other issues.

Sometimes ago too, I wanted to use a friend’s lip-gloss when I discovered her cheque booklets and other bank data in her handbag. I was surprised because that meant she had been going everywhere with them. She noticed my surprise and quickly said, “My friend that is for security reasons.  My husband must not know how much I have in my account. You know men will not use their eyes to see money or else their hands will not rest until they finish spending it.”

So I decided to talk to some women and few men on why they would prefer not tell their spouse about their finances.

“If I tell my husband exactly how much I have, he will not give me money as he is supposed to. He will want me to use my money until I have nothing left. Sometimes he would even say “use your money I will pay you later” and he never does but if he doesn’t know I have money he will give me.”…Ibukun

“Most times my husband doesn’t know how much I have and if he doesn’t ask I will not tell him. That does not mean that if he wants to know I will lie to him. I don’t usually use his money for the everyday running of the home while my money is in reserve for special demands or emergency use and I don’t mind because when his money comes I will still collect it back from him.”….Love

“A woman is meant to be taken care of by her husband and that means that the man should not be asking what she has to contribute in taking care of her. She is his responsibility and he should do it without complain. I don’t have to tell my husband how much I have.”…Gift

“Before my wife and I got married, we agreed that we would have a joint account. I did that because I didn’t want her to come asking me for money when I don’t’ have it. She doesn’t even ask me, she just goes and withdraw from that account. I have never gone there to withdraw before. So she knows that when there’s no money there, it’s her fault because I put a particular amount there every month. But I really don’t see any big deal in telling my wife about my money. What if I die tomorrow?”…Thomas

“It’s not good to tell a woman the exact amount a man has in his account because she will keep demanding until she finishes the money. My wife doesn’t even ask me how much I have on me. She just believes that I always have money whenever she needs something she will ask and when I don’t have I will tell her but she will never stop talking about it until I meet her demands.”…Biyi

One thought on “Money Matter: To Tell or Not to Tell

  1. If couples cannot trust themselves with money, why did they agree to marry in the first place? Can two walk together except they agree? Aren’t we supposed to trust the tested and test the trusted? I don’t subscribe to blind trust. So the problem started with the courtship…..

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