In some part of my country there is this ignorant saying that “a man should not get used to eating a particular meal.” Meal here is attributed to sex, meaning ‘a man should not get used to sleeping with only his wife! As outrageous as this may be some men adhere to it and even to the knowledge of their wives. Sleeping with his wife ONLY has become a boredom! What a deception!
While in the university I tried talking to a friend, Sam about this issue and I felt he held a wrong view that needed to change. He was engaged to one of the sisters, Jane in the fellowship. Not only were they living togther on campus, he was sleeping with some other girl he had no intention of having any serious relationship with. While I talked with him to stop sleeping with this other girl, I was shocked at his response – “It’s not just her, there are others. I just want to know what it feels like sleeping with other ladies apart from Jane. I am commited to Jane but I do not intend to keep the others. It’s just like a game and I’m winning!” He grinned with mischievious excitement
What! Are the ladies snacks?
I also remember some guy, who was having affairs and was not ashamed of it. When asked why he would be cheating on his lovely wife. He merely said, “She is always too busy to give it to me WHEN I want it.” The emphasis is on ‘when’ because his wife wanted the ‘sex time-table’ to be run according to her desire. I wished I had the opportunity to speak with the wife who spent most of her time outside the country with her mother. Her absense opened the door for him to have affairs. Justified?
Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 (NLT)
There was also a couple who got separated and later divorced because the husband could not meet up to his wife’s sexual fulfilment. I use to think men crave more for sex until I learnt about this couple. The woman just seemed to want more and was too impatient to help get her husband up to her level. Once she found someone who was her match she started sleeping with him until the marriage collapsed.
Sex is perhaps one of the biggest issues in marriage and the beginning of most challenges in relationships. Sometimes when sex becomes monotonous it can get boring which may cause one partner to seek for new excitement and adventure from someone else. Each sexual experience should be a time when couple should discover something exciting about the act. It may be as little as stroking a finger around the chest or just nuzzling before the main act. Like an artist, discover new ways to present that same act, be creative. Some problems stem from the fact that we think sex is a duty, ‘just go ahead and fulfil so there could be peace in this home.’ If you feel this way, you are not going to enjoy it and you will be pushing your spouse out to ‘locate’ somewhere sex would be given to him/her as fun.
God initiated sex when He instructed Adam to ‘go and multiply.’ Fortunately, He initiated sex in a way that it should be enjoyed if we get creative with it. Sometimes it does not have to be in the room or on the bed. Make use of your guest room or even the sitting room or anywhere else in your home! Your mate is not going to ask ‘why?’ if they are getting as much fun as you are getting. They are many other act you could introduce into your sex-life life to make it something to look forward to. You could read books or ask questions from older and trusted friends but you must understand that they can only suggest because what works for one may not work for the other.
Sometimes, one spouse has a different desire and attitude to sex – one wants more, the other less, one wants it planned, the other wants it at impulse. This is no excuse for the partner who wants more and at impulse to seek the remaining satisfaction from outside. Sexual satisfaction and most activities in marriage is a lot more sacrifice. Every day you keep letting go a little of yourself so you can easily fit in well with your spouse.
Sex is more than just naked bodies lying side-by-side on the bed. It is more than being on cloud nine and not wanting to get down and forget the experience. It is more than just copulation. It is an incorporation of love (care and affection for) and passion (excitement and craze) between two people. In spite of this affection and excitement, with time sex can become uninteresting and lifeless. Dry. And if there is a lack of desire, passion and romance in the relationship it may drive the person to seek it with someone else who would do it differently.
Just as one can be addicted to a hobby, it is also possible to be addicted to sex. This kind of spouse just has some unrestrained appetite to always want to have sex and it is also a reason for people to seek extramarital affairs. To love to have sex is not a sin but to have a desire that only your spouse cannot meet could be dangerous for you and the success of the marriage.
I wish your marriage ultimate excitement!