LOVE MAKES YOU SHOW OFF

You want him/her to meet your parents/guardians/siblings/friends

black-woman-worryingWhen someone begins to get special in your life, you want those closest to you to also know this special person; you want your relatives to know the person you spend most of your time with and that one person you really admire. You even unconsciously expect their opinion and endorsement. You expect a commendation whether they like the person or not. You don’t mind been seen anywhere with this person, you deliberately want your friends to see you together. It just becomes a pride; more like showing off some treasure you just acquire. It’s no more just dating, it has progressed seriously.

God please give me sleep. She prayed silently yet she wasn’t sure if she was ready for what the day has for her. She glanced at the time on her mobile phone. 3am. She wished she could hold time until she was ready.

She will be meeting Jide’s parents in few hours.

Although he had not asked her to marry him, they both know that their friendship had gone beyong dating. Jide had always talked about how his mother wanted to meet her. She had also replied that she will be glad to meet her too but now she is no longer sure if she wants that to happen.

She imagined what the woman’s voice will sound like. Will Jide’s mum like me? She was tempted to think. She has heard and read of how terrible some mothers-in-laws are. She prayed this will not be like those.

 “You look great!” Jide exhaled resisting the urge to kiss her when he hugged her. She looked very pretty in the white kneel-length dress. He held her for a long time fighting the thoughts running in his head. This is the woman he has searched for all his life and he couldn’t wait any longer to ask her to be his wife yet he still didn’t know how to form the words to say it.

When he let her off his embrace, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. She looked more beautiful than he had always seen. Maybe he had never looked this close.

As Kemi made to enter his car, she adjusted a strand of hair that didn’t tuck in well and used the tip of her finger to reduce the lipstick smear under her lips.

“My mum knows that besides her, you are the second most beautiful woman on earth. So don’t worry about those just get in they will be waiting to meet us.”

Kemi blushed as many butterflies rejoiced in her stomach. Jide had never used a line like that for her until now. …most beautiful woman on earth. She was tempted to say he also looked good too in his three quarter khaki shorts and fitted black boddice. She has never also noticed how firm and attractive his biceps are. His chest looked like he worked out more than he ate.

Showing off your partner especially to those who care about you is a sign that you could want something more serious than just a platonic relationship. Once your partner also shows you off means that he/she is not ashamed of you; proud to be associated with you whatever contrary opinion others may have. This itself boost your partner’s self esteem and commitment to the relationship?

Culled from Ready to Tangle? How To Know if Your Relationship Is Making A Head Way  by Emike Oyemade

How OPEN Are You To Your Partner?

Couple hugging on a couch --- Image by © Big Cheese Photo/CorbisTo love and be loved in return is a great fulfilment in any relationship, especially when it has to do with that special someone. Naturally, one wants to progress to the next level in this kind of relationship because you are ‘crazy’ about someone you believe to also be crazy about you. However, knowing for sure if he or she is right can be very difficult. You should ask yourself how are you sure you will not feel differently about the person months after making the decision.  To spend the rest of your life with that person.

The truth is, deciding to committ to someone the rest of your life is deeply an important, spiritual and personal determination, and everyone has different criteria for their choice. You do not want to make a wrong choice about the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with, choose carefully.

Is he or she just having fun with your emotion? Here are some tips that would help you in assessing if your partner is ready to go all the way with you. Your partner may not exhibit all the signs but showing most of them is a prove that your relationship maybe heading somewhere positive. Make it work.

  1. OPEN UP

You can tell him/her things you don’t tell anyone else.

A person you can tell any or everything is a confidant; trustworthy person and it is not easily come by especially in a romatic relationship. Someone who you may have told the terrible experiences in the past or a present struggle and still want to be friends with you.

Most times, some people are afraid to open up to their partner on their ugly past even when they get committed because of fear of losing them. The truth however is, when you find someone who truly loves you and ready to go all the way with you – marriage, such a person will see your past as PAST and will even help you deal with it if need be. So when you find yourself telling your opposite sex friend details about your life that you would not naturally discuss with anyone, it is a sign that the friendship is moving from being just platonic to something more serious.

“Kemi, you must be crazy! How could you tell him… .” Tito couldn’t hide her surprise. She bit hard the bottom of her lips and cursed Kemi in her heart.

“Calm down Tito. I know Jide loves me just as much as I love him. I don’t want to hide anything from him. It is as though he sees my heart. Besides he pitied me and even shared some of his secrets with me too.” Although Kemi had lost good relationship in the past when she talked about her past but Jide was different. He showed no sign of disappointment when Kemi told him about her past, instead he was urged her to become a better person.

Jide and Kemi had been dating for nearly a year, although he has not asked her to marry him, Kemi was free and open with Jide than she had ever been in her past relationships. It was not that she intended to share her secrets with Jide but it usually comes when in the course of their intimate discussions. She felt safe discussing anything with him.

“At least you shouldn’t have told him yet that you were raped at 14, got pregnant and aborted it. What if he stops loving you? What if he dumps you for someone else? That is an information you shouldn’t even tell your husband until you are 10 years in marriage!” Tito was angry, she felt Kemi was letting Jide know too much.

“But I told you. I share my secrets with you and you have never betrayed me.”

“That’s because i’m your best friend since kindergarten and we know everything about each other. Jide we barely know him!” Tito’s eyes sparkled with anger.

“Tito I understand and appreciate your concern for me, but Jide…” Kemi was sure of what she felt for Jide. Safe. Pure love.

“Exactly my point, your last relationship broke up when you told Tony you once aborted a pregnancy. Now you did not only tell him about the pregnancy but the fact that the pregnancy came from a rape experience.” As far as Tito was concerned, this was the greatest mistake any reasonable young lady could make.

“Tito please stop! Jide is my boyfriend and it is about my relationship. Let me run it the way it pleases me. If Jide decides to leave me because I opened up to him, then he is not man enough for me!” She stormed out of the room and slammed the door hard enough to end the disccusion.

 Jide has been everything she desires in a man and she felt no fear or restrain as they sat that day at the park discussing intimate details about their lives. Although Tito is more like a sister than a friend, this time she was sure that Tito was wrong, she wouldn’t regret sharing with Jide even if the relationship does not work.

Trust is an important ingredient of a healthy relationship. Letting your partner into intimate details of your life especially when the relationship has blossomed for sometime is a sign that you trust them and that you expect them to love and respect you irrespective of what they know about you.

Culled from Ready to Tangle? How To Know if Your Relationship Is Making A Head Way  by Emike Oyemade

DEAR EMIKE: HOW DO I ATTAIN ORGASM TO SATISFY HIM

black-couple-2I have never experienced orgasm and my husband is not happy because I don’t attain it during love making although I get sexually satisfied. How can I assist him so I can reach orgasm during copulation?

Answer:

When a man feels his wife is not sexually satisfied, it puts him on edge because he thinks he is a sexual failure. He could become insecure and could begin to think that his wife will seek satisfaction elsewhere. The inability of some men not been able to get their wives to orgasm is an excuse for infidelity. Although you don’t feel bad, it is an issue with your husband, therefore it must be resolved.

I am glad that you are sexually satisfied even without orgasm but you can get a better satisfaction if you can help him get you to the point of orgasm. Sex between husband and wife is designed to be free of inhibitions, fun and enjoyed by both parties. To achieve this, there must be freedom of expression. A couple must be ready to communicate their likes and dislikes to each other without fear or embarrassment. That is what the Bible refers to as being “naked and not ashamed”.

Help your husband.

Talk to him about what turns you on the most. Tell him the parts of your body that are easily excitable and gently guide him there especially during the act. If you can help him ‘thoroughly’excite you during prolong foreplay, it becomes easier and quicker to attain orgasm. Ensure that you are also participating in the act, touch him too. Make it intimate and enjoyable for both of you to find pleasure in each other.

Some of these responses have been aided by the book Home Affairs:Questions Married Men and Women Ask by Pastor Taiwo Odukoya.

DEAR EMIKE: MUST WE HAVE SEX?

black-couple-in-bedIn my 4 years of marriage, we have been having sex like nearly everyday except when I am on menses. My husband loves it than anything else. Should sex be a do-or-die affair that must be engaged in on daily basis? Is it food?

Answer:

I have heard the expression severally that sex is like food, and yes, to a certain extent I would agree. When you think about it, apart from the food you eat, what is the next best thing in marriage? When you talk about marriage, affection usually comes to mind and when affection is good it ends up in sex. In that sense, it will be suffice to say one cannot do without it. You should also be glad that he wants it only with YOU. Some men who really want sex that much end up looking for satisfaction besides their wives.

Frequent sex/lovemaking should be encouraged in marriage because it improves intimacy and openness. It helps the marriage become fun and exciting. I dare to say it is a necessity but that is not to say that if you do not engage in sex you are going to die.

The only time scripture allows couples to deny each other is when they, by agreement, decide to abstain in order to pray (and fast). Other times that could call for restraint is during ill health. Therefore, it should not be the practice that you deliberately deprive each other all the time in order to prevent you from running into trouble outside your marriage. In marriage abstinence has to be by mutual consent.

I also do not concur to the school of thought that suggests a regulated sex life in marriage. There should be no time-table for sex. I feel couples should be left alone to decide the frequency that best suits them except they have challenges in their marriages that call for counseling. What I have discovered over time though is that, the man who always desires to have sex everyday and insists on his wife satisfying this desire is the same one who would eventually beg off when his wife decides to match his appetite, giving as much as he does or even more. Hey lady! Give it a try! Dare match it up to him and see the result.

In the case of the woman when she decides to become sexually active, what she initially resisted becomes the natural thing to do. Once she makes up her mind she is going to enjoy sex in her marriage and she deals with any hang-ups she may have had about the act of sex, probably through an understanding and patient husband, she will indeed begin to enjoy sex and would even be the one asking her husband for it.  Eventually, every couple will find their own rhythm and what works well for them.

There are some reasons that deter one from the pleasure and enjoyment of sex namely:

Pain: 

Many women especially from their first introduction to sex complain about pain. For such women, the husbands have to be patient, gentle, and understanding. Such husbands need to teach their wives how best to enjoy sex, best positioning, and once these women get the hang of the act and the pleasure to be attained from it, they lose their fear and begin to enjoy it. They even look forward to such intimacy with their husbands and some would even initiate the act to the delight of many husbands!

Anger:

Loving making is not just about two naked bodies lying in bed, the heart has to be involved to get full satisfaction. Making love from the heart can become difficult when there is an unresolved misunderstanding between spouses. It is a heart thing; it requires your total concentration. You must resolve all forms of conflict and all other matters that might distract you during lovemaking before you actually begin the act. If you are distracted and just want to do it just to get it over and done with, your spouse will notice and be hurt. Therefore, we must learn to forgive and confess our faults to one another.

You can be a better person!

child-abuseLast month, I had the privilege to reach out to over 1000 young people in secondary schools talking about love, sex, masturbation, pornography, relating with the opposite sex, etc. Over half of this number has been sexually abused especially by those they trusted most, others were taken advantage of when they set out for adventure. Some were still living in the abuse and didn’t want to talk about it for fear of what would happen if the abuser found out that they are seeking freedom.

Some believe God is not real since He did not ‘rescue’ them from the hands of the abuser and they can never trust man or even get married!.
The hurt is so deep and have set some on a revenge mission – hurting others as much as possible. They end up living with this hurt the rest of their lives. Some transfer it to their spouse and or children; deliberately hurting others as excuse and payback for the way they were treated. They remain on the cheated side of life!

Have you been sexually abused and you think life is so unfair, so cruel, you are determined to take a revenge? How bad is it? Is the pain beyond your thighs? Do you want to write to me about it?

Of course I have a big shoulder and I have seen many hurts in life. These hurts have only made me a better person. I am not being boastful, which is not bad anyway, but I have gone through the fire and flood and God has always helped me bounce back.

Does the experience make you feel all men are evil or all women are witches? God does not want you to keep living a hurting life? Come on dear! The Potter wants to put you back together again.

Have a great week!

DEAR EMIKE: SHE SLEEPS ON ME

black-couple-in-bed.My wife is the most wonderful person I have ever met and the best woman I could have married. However, I never enjoy love making with her and this gives me concern as it makes me feel cheated. Every time we start to make love, she falls asleep during the process. And it has been this way since we got married. Is there any medical or spiritual explanation for this?

Answer:

First, I am not a medical expert as you may have noticed in following my blog but I have a few things to say to you.

The act of sexual intimacy is the most vulnerable aspect of the life of a married person. Men, otherwise known as strong characters have been known to fall easy prey to the enemy through sex. Destinies are still been negatively altered through this act.

Ordinarily, it is the man who sleeps off right after the act because they tend to do the “bang, bang, thank you ma’am” kind of thing that leaves a woman dissatisfied. Men are usually impatient to get to the end of the act but with women, attaining orgasm is a longer process.

In your case, there is no known proof (at least to the extent I am aware of) that the problem is medical and I don’t think it is spiritual either. However, it would appear you are so knowledgeable and good at your duty that you know just where to touch to fulfill her and send her to sleep. If this is the case, then I congratulate you for your care and sensitivity to your wife. Not many men can do that! It is a pass mark for you! Thumbs up!

On the other hand, if it is boredom that causes her sleep, you should try to correct the situation by slowing down and deliberately explore ways to give her pleasure. Delay the main act by talking more. Some women prefer the ‘sweet-nothing-talk’while you are caressing. That alone can quickly send her to cloud nine! Explore her beautiful body and make her feel good about herself.

Another thing you can do is to keep a conversation going during lovemaking. Keep talking to her (speaking endearing words), like how much you appreciate her, how much she satisfies you and how good she is in the act) and ensure she responds to you so that the whole process is not limited to quiet action.

One other point to consider is the timing of your lovemaking. If it is usually the last event of the day as the case is in many homes, the woman at this time could be too tired to respond. If this is the case, you can help alleviate the problem by helping around the house or getting your wife some form of assistance (like a maid or some domestic equipment like washing machine, microwave oven, etc). Whichever way, the husband must help his wife to stay strong and fit for the act. You could even do it early hours of the morning when she is refreshed but not when she is in a hurry to hit the road again for the day’s work.

Some of these responses have been aided by the book Home Affairs:Questions Married Men and Women Ask by Pastor Taiwo Odukoya.