You can be a better person!

child-abuseLast month, I had the privilege to reach out to over 1000 young people in secondary schools talking about love, sex, masturbation, pornography, relating with the opposite sex, etc. Over half of this number has been sexually abused especially by those they trusted most, others were taken advantage of when they set out for adventure. Some were still living in the abuse and didn’t want to talk about it for fear of what would happen if the abuser found out that they are seeking freedom.

Some believe God is not real since He did not ‘rescue’ them from the hands of the abuser and they can never trust man or even get married!.
The hurt is so deep and have set some on a revenge mission – hurting others as much as possible. They end up living with this hurt the rest of their lives. Some transfer it to their spouse and or children; deliberately hurting others as excuse and payback for the way they were treated. They remain on the cheated side of life!

Have you been sexually abused and you think life is so unfair, so cruel, you are determined to take a revenge? How bad is it? Is the pain beyond your thighs? Do you want to write to me about it?

Of course I have a big shoulder and I have seen many hurts in life. These hurts have only made me a better person. I am not being boastful, which is not bad anyway, but I have gone through the fire and flood and God has always helped me bounce back.

Does the experience make you feel all men are evil or all women are witches? God does not want you to keep living a hurting life? Come on dear! The Potter wants to put you back together again.

Have a great week!

DEAR EMIKE: SHE SLEEPS ON ME

black-couple-in-bed.My wife is the most wonderful person I have ever met and the best woman I could have married. However, I never enjoy love making with her and this gives me concern as it makes me feel cheated. Every time we start to make love, she falls asleep during the process. And it has been this way since we got married. Is there any medical or spiritual explanation for this?

Answer:

First, I am not a medical expert as you may have noticed in following my blog but I have a few things to say to you.

The act of sexual intimacy is the most vulnerable aspect of the life of a married person. Men, otherwise known as strong characters have been known to fall easy prey to the enemy through sex. Destinies are still been negatively altered through this act.

Ordinarily, it is the man who sleeps off right after the act because they tend to do the “bang, bang, thank you ma’am” kind of thing that leaves a woman dissatisfied. Men are usually impatient to get to the end of the act but with women, attaining orgasm is a longer process.

In your case, there is no known proof (at least to the extent I am aware of) that the problem is medical and I don’t think it is spiritual either. However, it would appear you are so knowledgeable and good at your duty that you know just where to touch to fulfill her and send her to sleep. If this is the case, then I congratulate you for your care and sensitivity to your wife. Not many men can do that! It is a pass mark for you! Thumbs up!

On the other hand, if it is boredom that causes her sleep, you should try to correct the situation by slowing down and deliberately explore ways to give her pleasure. Delay the main act by talking more. Some women prefer the ‘sweet-nothing-talk’while you are caressing. That alone can quickly send her to cloud nine! Explore her beautiful body and make her feel good about herself.

Another thing you can do is to keep a conversation going during lovemaking. Keep talking to her (speaking endearing words), like how much you appreciate her, how much she satisfies you and how good she is in the act) and ensure she responds to you so that the whole process is not limited to quiet action.

One other point to consider is the timing of your lovemaking. If it is usually the last event of the day as the case is in many homes, the woman at this time could be too tired to respond. If this is the case, you can help alleviate the problem by helping around the house or getting your wife some form of assistance (like a maid or some domestic equipment like washing machine, microwave oven, etc). Whichever way, the husband must help his wife to stay strong and fit for the act. You could even do it early hours of the morning when she is refreshed but not when she is in a hurry to hit the road again for the day’s work.

Some of these responses have been aided by the book Home Affairs:Questions Married Men and Women Ask by Pastor Taiwo Odukoya.