HE DOESN’T TRUST ME ANYMORE

Working-Black-Mother_t580My husband and I started having financial challenges two years after we got married epecially after having our first child. Then I got  a job outside town, I declined it because I didn’t want to be away from my family but he encouraged me to go because the pay is good. In my absense, I suspect he flirts with a colleague but I have no proof. Now he’s the one accusing me of being distant from him.  

I once saw a movie about a couple trying to make ends meet with the growing demands of the young family. While the wife was a work-at-home caterer, the man ran a book publishing consultancy. The man worked over 15 hours each day, both at the office and at home. His wife baked every other night just so she could have supplies in the morning. While this couple busied themselves in their not-so-bad jobs, they didn’t realize that they gradually become mere roommates until the wife got intimate with one of the men who patronized her, while the husband had already started an affair with one of his clients. It was just a movie quite alright but how very true.

While having more than one source of income (or more than one job) is encouraged, high discipline should be maintained so that the relationship between the couple can thrive in spite of how busy they become. Work (or ‘I need to make money for the family’) should not be an excuse to allow the happiness in the marriage suffer. Remember that even when there is no money that family will be all you have, so they really deserve the best of what you can offer now.

Nowadays, couples are less financially dependent on each other like it used to be when it did not matter if the woman had a job or not. There are now more women in the work force than there have ever been and they still face certain discrimination in some organizations and groups where they want to function. This unfairness causes most women to compromise – have affair with those who may stand in their way of climbing the ladder.

 Many marriages have been destroyed because of a career or job. In one of my former fellowships, one of the women I used to be close to told me of how her husband’s organization was planning to send him to an African country to start a branch with no plans of taking his family along. Just when the man was about to leave was when his wife got to know that it was a place far away in Europe. While she was excited about it she wished he would reject the offer so they could raise their four young children together. She could not stop him because she felt it may mean better opportunity and a fat salary to take care of them all and have more than enough. It is nearly over ten years now, that couple still live far apart with the woman mostly catering for the children.

Couples who already have more than a child have enough trouble maintaining their relationship as they share the time with the children and other aspects of their lives, let alone having more than one job. If this kind of couple is not careful they may neglect to nurture their intimate relationship because of all the external stress and this may cause one of the partners to go out and seek a short term satisfaction in terms of having an affair. Neglecting over time to nurture the husband-wife relationship between couples may cause them to fall out of love and fall in love with someone else.

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