crying-black-italianI had this pretty-petti classmate in secondary school. She was intelligent and very quiet. We spent most of our break time together reading. She didn’t like to talk and she was obviously a sad girl. She cried at almost everything. When we were about leaving school I wanted to remain her friend but she declined neither was she interested in being anyone’s friend. I never was able to erase her memory, intelligent and pretty yet unhappy. Continue reading

Dear Emike: Is He Sterile?

unhappy-coupleI got married about a year ago and I am very worried that my husband could be sterile. Sometimes, it takes a very long time for him to have an erection, at other times he just says he’s not in the mood but I know it’s because we have been talking about how slow he is to get erected. Now he avoids sex and I am really getting frustrated. Do you have any idea what I can do?


I am not a doctor neither do I have any medical experience to answer your question medically. I strongly advise that you see a medical professional. However, let me tell you what I think from experience. Men do not have the same ‘ejaculation speed’ so you have to be patient with him. You may probably be comparing his ability to give you sexual satisfaction with other sex partners you had before you met him and before you got married. You have to be extremely patient with him, follow his lead.
You also have to encourage him and appreciate him after each love making even when it’s not what you expected. Making a man know that he’s not satisfying you is enough to make him loose interest in making love to you.
No one is perfect and sexual experience with couple gets better as they continue to make effort towards it. You are just only a year the in the marriage and I can bet you that it can only get better as you are patient with your partner and put effort to make the experience a better one.
The issue could also be that you get to orgasm faster than him then you have to slow down using extensive fore play and seeing that he is also near orgasm before you ‘join the flight’.
You may also want to find out what turns him on, those sensitive spots that gets him on. Do that even before you get your clothes off. Get creative. Seduce him, he’s your husband.
If your ordinary creativity doesn’t work then try medical.
I wish you the best.

This question was originally sent to my inbox and shared with permission from the sender.

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Don’t Let Them Alter Your Confidence

romney-naacp-audienceLast year, I was invited to speak at a singles summit themed, “Getting It Right”. Since I was not given any specific topic I decided that it would be nice to talk about setting boundaries in relationships especially with the opposite sex. During my discussion, I strongly disapproved of co-habiting or getting pregnant out of wedlock.

While I was talking, I knew they didn’t like what I was saying since I didn’t get applauds and nods like the other speakers. No body asked me questions or directed a question at me during the Q&A time. I just sat there wondering, “O God what have I said that I shouldn’t have said? Why do their faces now look like they hate me?” I became eager to know what went wrong and I thought that if someone would walk up to me and say, “that was a beautiful presentation”, I would be healed.

As the organizers saw me off to the elevator, I could no longer resist it so I asked.”Well… I guess you spoke what you where led to but I think you were being too harsh on people leaving together before marriage. Pregnancy is not a bad thing even if the couple are unmarried.” The leader said.
My shoulder dropped. I was broken to pieces. I flopped the message.
My confidence was totally destroyed and it brought out all my insecurities. I wondered if I was doing the right thing.

I thought about it the rest of the day. That night I replayed in my head what I shared and the response of the leader and I discovered that I didn’t have a good understanding of the word of God. As such, I was concerned about men’s approval rather than saying what God wanted me to say. I knew God had called and anointed me to say the things I say but I was still checking whether people would believe me or not. I was rejected and this affected me alot, in spite of how I anointed I was! I lacked confidence.

I had to grow in confidence to a level where people’s opinion and their acceptance or rejection no longer affect my confidence level. I have since then shared several similar of such presentations with confidence that is what God wants me to say. Not what the people want.

It is easier to remain confident when we see people nodding or smiling in approval. It is easier when we can see or measure progress but what about when non of these happens? Do you back off? Or stick with the conviction with which you started?

Resist that pressure to back off because people, even family members are not applauding yet. Don’t waste precious time checking out who liked your idea or not. Just keep moving and don’t let your confidence be altered.


Who Are You?

Interview-handshake-620x480Some years ago I desperately wanted a job that I undermined my qualification and was ready to do anything. There was this opening at a bank and I thought I could apply but as a mass communication graduate I wasn’t sure what my function  will be at a bank. I applied anyway and was invited for a written test and interview.

I was glad when I was announced to have passed the written test and was to prepare for the oral test. As part of my preparation I inquired from existing staff how things had been with them. One staff told me she was sure I will get the job since I performed well in the written test. I also had an impressive curriculum vitae. I wanted to know before hand what the oral question would be like. She just said, “nothing serious, just regular random questions.” This was perfectly fine by me since I was not even familiar with most banking terms.

“Who are you?” The interviewer asked looking straight into my eyes. I wondered “what a question?” She has my CV in front of her and still doesn’t know who I am?

“I am Emike. I am a graduate of…” She didn’t seem interested anymore.

“Tell me about yourself.” I thought that was what I was doing before you interrupted, I almost said

“I am smart, creative…” I lost words and enthusiasm to continue. I knew my chances of getting the job had automatically reduced. The question caught me off guard. Simple yet I couldn’t confidently answer.

I left still hopeful that I would get the job.

A week later when I didn’t get any response from them I called just to ask if I had been ‘miraculously’ considered. “Sorry you were not picked.” A female voice said to me on the receiver.

“Do you by chance know why…”

“Our interviewer was not impressed with your oral test”

I knew it!

I felt really very disappointed but more disappointing was the fact that I couldn’t say WHO I am. Or maybe I didn’t even know!

Weeks a later, another firm called me for an interview. It was an opening for an editor! I wanted it more than anything else.

As I sat in front of the chairman the memory of the bank interview raced back that I didn’t even hear what he said before I started speaking.

“I am passionate about writing and I have eyes for good publication. I have experience in nearly all genre of writing. I have read your company’s profile and I am the one you need to give this organization the change you desire.”

He rolled in laughter and said, “I asked where have you previously worked and you gave me your history! Impressive. Can you resume on Monday?”

Till date I will never forget that one experience at the bank. I understood who I am is not just about my name and what school I attended but what positive difference will my contribution make. Unfortunately though some people don’t know WHO they are. 

No one will be interested in whatever qualification you have until you are positively influencing lives

Again I ask, who are you?

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