Sometimes I find it hard understanding why some people deliberately complicate life for themselves especially in their choice of a partner. Someone sees a danger sign and still plunges into that potential ‘bad relationship’ with the hope that love will make all things right. As much as I believe in the power of love and it’s capability to make wrong right, there are certain things about a person or a relationship that may never change if the motive is wrong and if the person is unwilling to compromise.
If someone feigns ‘being in love’ for selfish reasons once those selfish needs are met the person would seem to ‘fall out of love’. Love is more than a fickle emotion; feeling right about someone now and ‘throwing’ them away tomorrow because you feel wrong. This is how I felt when I made my last post and it got me loads of questions. Here’s one…
He wants sex because he believes he has to ‘test’ sexual compatibility before making a commitment; she doesn’t want it because she believes in absolute chastity. He is not willing to even be friends with her if she would not agree to spend the weekend with him. He also believes sex is a proof of love and willingness to commit. She is willing and trying to make the relationship work with her policy of ‘no sex until we are married’. Without backing off the relationship she finds out that he’s sleeping with someone else. She is heartbroken and accuses him of jilting her!
I couldn’t understand how someone would be ‘in love’ with someone with ‘such huge’ disagreement. I am a big supporter of the ‘no sex until we are married’ policy. Sex is a big issue and the binding factor of most relationship. Hers seem to be like one and she is not cut out for it. My advice was for to back off since I would never suggest compromise. Anyone who judges a partner with sexual prowess is not worth being with; he/she only cares only about what is between your thighs.
It’s just same for some other things we do; she likes to party but he doesn’t; instead of her making herself miserable it would be better if she were in a relationship where she or her partner would compromising her each other to have fun. If you care, you are going to compromise ALOT because it is impossible to find someone who will love everything you do. My point is if you cannot put up with someone or compromise for them then why make a commitment to a relationship with expectation that they would change to suit your own desire. Isn’t that absolute selfishness? Love is sacrificial. YOU CANNOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP AND FIRST CONCENTRATE ON CHANGING YOUR PARTNER. It’s unfair!
It’s the same for faith, belief, religion, family. You cannot detest her religion and claim love her. Except both of you are willing to compromise you are going to see yourselves as enemies. If one renounces the faith to join the other there would be peace but if one thinks his/her own faith or belief is real and superior the love would be killed before it is started.
You hate his family but you want to marry him? Hmmn! (Discussion for another day)