“Right now, I am almost regretting my four months old marriage. Twice my husband has raped me and apologizes after wards. This makes me feel cheap and used. I do not want to quit the marriage because I love him but I need him to understand that when I don’t want sex he should stay away.”????????????????????

I do not believe that a man can rape a woman within the bounds of marriage especially if the union is sealed spiritually and legally. Dictionary explains rape as, “Force (someone) to have sex against their will.” That WILL is no longer TOTALLY yours when you exchange vows and pledged your body to your partner.

“Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it.” I Cor 7:3-5

When the marriage oath is taken certain statements are made which includes satisfying your partner sexually. There’s the possibility that a man can be ‘rough’ in his sexual style compared to your but does not rape. The best way to handle issues such as this is communication. The more reason you should focus now on building a healthy communication with your partner so that you can make him know what your needs and expectations are sexually.

If you feel tired when he is asking for sex, instead of getting offended at his request, make an explanation and a promise. Then keep to your promise; be the first to go to him when you are up to it. This is also why some men believe that women are frigid. I don’t agree to this because I believe that if a woman is properly handled sexually she would respond in the same way. A man who is only concern about meeting his own sexually needs will not get adequate satisfaction if he fails to recognize and meet his partner’s needs. Like many other things in marriage, sexual satisfaction is reciprocal.

Sex and money are two biggest issues in marriage. A couple who can handle these two well can handle almost any challenge with the marriage. It is not that easy to tell a man to stay away when he wants to MAKE LOVE TO HIS WIFE especially with an excuse of “I am tired.” It becomes worse and annoying when the excuses continue. And for a young marriage he would want to have sex as often as he is with you! Statistics says that new couples have sex three times a day on the average!

You definitely don’t want to ‘push’ him out; so get your ACTS together!


10 thoughts on “DID HE REALLY RAPE HER?

  1. This is the most heartbreakingly sad article. Just no.

    • You are right. That was how i felt too when it was related to me. It is heartbreaking to be forced to do what you don’t want especially by someone you expect to understand. We can’t say that the man is right to ‘force’ her but we must also remember that when going into marriage ‘you count the cost’. There will be times when one partner wants sex and the other does not. There must be a ground of compromise.

  2. God bless you and keep you, and the peace of the Lord enter your household. May the call of the Lord for the answer to your household be answered. May His provision for security and relationship be constant for you and your household.

  3. Ur post is a balm to my wound, I pray for more grace for u, pls I won’t mind if u can send me ur number . I want to ave a private talk with you.

  4. Sex is part of why we are in marriage and it shld not be devoid of one another, if u are not ready for it why did u married then ?. And this happened mostly to new weeded couple that the woman is a virgin. ,

    • Not just to newly wedded, people who have been sexually abused or who see as something ‘bad’ could have problems…but the truth is in marriage it can get better if each partner can communicate their needs and how best they want to be satisfied.
      I encourage anyone who has been abused to get counseling and healing before making commitment. It will be unfair to make your new partner pay for something they are not responsible for

  5. Communication certainly plays a big role. Also, both persons involved should try to understand one another. Both of them should understand the needs of one another and understand that sometimes they simply “don’t feel like doing it” and come up with a compromise.

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