“After ALL I did for him! How can he quit the relationship just like that? I helped start his business, spent most of my time growing that business and running the streets for customers. I don’t deserve to be dumped!”
There was no way I could calm her the first time we spoke. She was deeply hurt and fought really hard controlling herself not to be vengeful; she had justified reasons to be anyway. She couldn’t understand why after four years of good romantic relationship her boyfriend doesn’t find her ‘compatible’ anymore. Her pain was mostly that she INVESTED so much in the relationship and wanted to get something at least for all that she had put in. my first question was, “you spent TIME helping to build his business, how are you going to get that back?” It’s easy to quantify if you say you spend certain amount of money and there are recorded evidence for it and you want your money refunded.
Relationship is like an investment; you put in TIME, MONEY, ENEGRY, and sometimes intellect with the AIM of not just making your partner happy but so you can have a better lasting relationship. Unfortunately too, like some business investment go bad, not every relationship investment turns out well. This could be heart breaking and makes the ‘investor’ to be more careful when he/she is getting into another relationship.
The truth however is, in most cases partners in relationship do not plan to ‘invest’ as they allow themselves to be carried away by the tide of the relationship. This itself is not a bad idea but when ship comes to shore, you could regret it. Count the cost before you plunge. This is why I encourage people not to run their relationship by “love is blind’ because you will not know when your SHIP is heading for a rock.
So how much really should you ‘invest’ in your relationship? I would say as much as you can afford BUT before you talk about HOW MUCH to invest you need to first consider IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH INVESTING IN. Just because you feel ‘sexy’ whenever you are with him or he feels you are the most beautiful lady he has ever set eyes on doesn’t make it worth investing. You have to look at the long term benefits.
“Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn’t first sit down and figure the cost so you’ll know if you can complete it? If you only get the foundation laid and then run out of money, you’re going to look pretty foolish…” Luke 14:28
If you are not considering having a lasting relationship with that partner then don’t go investing, it will be a waste. Why would anybody want to help another person build a business they are first not sure what is in it for them. You are going to build something someone else may come to reap. First be sure that the relationship has a good foundation than just dating with a focus that you are doing something for the FUTURE; investment is targeted towards the future.
Before you go building a business in someone’s name, buying a house, car or making some kind of investment for someone be sure that both of you are in some serious commitment that would make you not be a loser in the long run. It is true that after such huge investments not all marriages work and it still ends up as bad investment. Yours could be different afterall nobody gets married expecting the worse to happen.
May the wisdom of God direct your steps.