It’s being three years since he called off the wedding without a reason and I am still finding it hard to say ‘yes’ to another man. There have been many dates and suitors but it’s tough believing that after eight years of beautiful friendship and proposing to marry me, he called it off just three months before the wedding. It’s still a big hole in my heart I don’t know how to move on.
We all sometimes get disappointed in life and these experiences leave us stronger and better if we don’t crumble in the process. Although, we never see the ‘benefits’ of disappointments while it’s happening in the end something good comes out of it. If you choose to remain a failure you may never know that good can come out of bad. So it’s a choice to remain disappointed. Someone says, not to trust people too much so they will not disappoint you; but can you really help not being disappointed?
Being engaged to someone is a big issue, for some, it’s more or less being married. Partners have agreed to get married and there is a wedding time in view. It is a serious affair, commitment is finalized and partners are just looking forward to the ceremonies legalizing and confirming the agreement. Although engagement is not marriage, it is the last step into marriage. When the partners love each other enough and are ready for the life time commitment they get engaged. This engagement time allows for the partners to officially tell family and friends their intentions and make necessary plans towards a ceremony. Adrenaline is high; dreams are coming to reality.
As beautiful as getting married can be, not all engagements end in marriage. Whatever may be responsible for the break up, partners are left heartbroken and in some cases find it tough to move on. Some people get more cautious getting into another relationship let alone, getting engaged again. How long really should one wait to get serious about a relationship after a broken engagement? As much as I am tempted to say, “That’s up to you”, here are some questions I would like to ask your. First remember “All things work together for good to them that love the Lord and to them that are called according to His purpose.” Roman 8:28
- HAVE YOU RE-INVENTED YOURSELF? Disappointments and hurts can reduce you into someone you are not. Some people become vengeful and hating; some take out their hurts on others, some conclude love is not worth it and every kind of hating attitude. It’s ok to be hurt but you need to get past it. Use the opportunity instead to rediscover your hidden talents and ability and focus on them. You can use those as stepping stones to move on.
- HAVE YOU PUT THE PAST BEHIND AND MOVED ON? This is not as easy as it is often said but it is something that must be done. You can’t keep looking at the past and expect to have a bright future. Stop reliving the moments you spent together no matter how precious you think they might have been. As long as you hold on to that ‘illusion’ you will never see when the real thing comes your way.
- ARE YOU IN A RUSH? There’s always the urge to quickly get into another relationship as an escape route to ‘ameliorate’ the hurts from the previous relationship. If you do this, you might end up hurting yourself even more. There is really no need to rush even if you think you are getting old. Give yourself some time to get over the previous experience.
- DO YOU TALK ILL OF MY EX? Talking ill is an indication that you have not forgiven your ex and you have also not moved on. It is a way of expressing your hurt and trying to get back; make your listeners sympathize with you while hating the other. You don’t need this. Let it go.
- DO YOU TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS MORE THAN MY FEELINGS? No one can be as truthful to you as your instinct. It is that small voice within you that tells you the right thing to do. When that voice says, “Hold on.” Trust it and hold on. Feelings are fickle and deceptive and can lead you astray.
- HAVE YOU SHUT THE DOOR? One or two bad experiences can make us want to shut the door of our heart and vow never to love or be serious with any relationship. Do you know how many times we hurt the Lord in our course of trying to please Him? Yet he forgives us and loves us again. Leave it open someone who deserves you may just be right at the corner.
- ARE YOU READY? When you are ready you know. I am not talking about just having that desire to start a family, but when your heart is healed and open again to start thinking about marriage you will know even without involving a counselor.
- DO YOU NEED TO SPEAK TO A COUNSELOR? Some people need to talk to a professional before they can get on the track again. Others, just talking to a friend or family member is enough. If you need to seek advice, please do and pour out your heart once and for all instead of bottling it up. You can inbox me if you need to vent, talk or just need someone to stand in prayers with you.
- ARE YOU STAYING CONNECTED TO THE DIVINE: God is not taken by surprise, your case is not different and He never neglects us when we need Him. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. Jer. 29:11. He does not only mend a broken heart, He can give you a better replacement for the former.