“I am in a relationship with three great ladies who all seem to suit my specifications for serious commitment but I am confused who to choose. How can I really know the right woman for me?”
The more the number of people you are dating or sleeping with the more confused and miserable you are likely going to be. Increased number of potential partners is not an indication that you are going to make the best choice. You are infact more likely to make a life-time mistake as you will find yourself comparing the qualities in one person to the other and wishing that all the qualities were present in one person. Impossible! Dating more than one person at time with the intention to make a ‘final’ choice along the line is not really a good way to settle for a life time commitment. When you eventually make a choice out of the long list, the others that are not ‘chosen’ will feel cheated and jilted. People are not made with plastic hearts for you to make promises to them then dash it, or give them the belief that you are interested in them when they are only an option. People should not be ‘relationship-commodity’ for you to get a ‘trial period’ so if it doesn’t work you discard or return to the owner. There are no perfect relationships because there are no perfect humans so you find that someone your heart cares for, you have a responsibility to make it work.
You cannot know who will make a good partner by the way he/she looks, talk or walk but you can be close to it if you focus on being a good person and having a standard of the kind of person you would like to be associated with. When desiring certain qualities for am intending partner you need to ask yourself if you have desirable qualities too. You cannot be low and desiring a high especially when you are not making efforts to be high. You cannot desire a god-fearing woman when you do not know God let alone have a relationship with Him to be considered as god-fearing. If you desire a hardworking woman, are you also hard-working? Or are you looking for a woman who you will take advantage of. Even if you pretend to be what you are not just to secure the lady into a relationship with you. With time, the real you will manifest and you will begin to have problems in your relationship. If you are looking for something good in a woman make sure you also have something good to offer. How are you upgrading and improving yourself especially as regards how you will provide security for a woman? A good woman is not going to be considering how attractive your biceps are but how much security you can provide for her in the relationship.
Have you discovered your vision and purpose in life? Are you pursuing and achieving it? If you have not, this is more important because if you do not have any life-course you will be leading a woman blindly. No woman wants to hang in a relationship with a leader who does not know where he’s going. Where do you see you and your ‘dream’ partner or family in five years? How are you working towards that plan? You don’t find her first before making a life plan. You may miss it all because once a relationship becomes emotional; it gets difficult to make serious decisions. Adam already had a charted life course before Eve came became. Follow his example.
Are you ready for this investment? A good relationship is a product of quality investment of time, money and energy. It takes sacrifices and most times considering your woman first before you. Communication is bedrock of any relationship and it is built with time, if you do not make time for it you can’t bond. Emotional Intimacy is built with communication; it is not built with great SEX. And a relationship without some money no matter how small is not a happy one meaning you should be EARNING before even thinking of settling into a serious relationship.
Are you happy being yourself or are you hoping that when you get into a relationship you will be a happier person? If you have not found fulfilment just being you, you are not going to feel any better with someone else no matter how great they are because inner satisfaction is something no one can give to you. It is not a product of some sexual dexterity; but a well that lies deep within you from which only you can draw. Sadly too, you will not be able to make your partner happy even if she is an angel sent from God if you are not first happy with yourself. Appreciate yourself first before others will do!
Motive is the reason why some people may miss knowing the right partner for them. For instance, “why are you in that relationship?” if your response includes any of the following then you may be in it for all the wrong reasons:
- I am hurting I need someone around
- I am lonely
- I want sex
- I need money and someone to pay my bills
- All my friends are getting married/in a relationship
- I am not getting any younger
- I am physically attracted to him/her
- You are a single parent and need a partner for your child (ren)
- Your parent/siblings/friends think you should get someone
A good partner is a gift from God and you can only get that gift from God if you are His child. “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent (good and desirable) wife is from the LORD.” Proverbs 19:14
Reach me for counseling, prayer or just to vent email firstname.lastname@example.org