Everyone deserves to be in a safe and healthy relationship. Do you know if your relationship is healthy? Answer YES or NO to the following questions to find out. Make sure to write down your responses. At the end, you’ll find out how to score your answers.
The Person I’m With
- Is very supportive of things I do.
- Encourages me to try new things.
- Likes to listen when I have something on my mind.
- Understands that I have my own life too.
- Is not liked very well by my friends.
- Says I’m too involved in different activities.
- Texts me or calls me all the time.
- Thinks I spend too much time trying to look nice.
- Gets extremely jealous or possessive.
- Accuses me of flirting or cheating.
- Constantly checks up on me.
- Controls what I wear or how I look.
- Tries to control what I do and who I see.
- Tries to keep me from seeing or talking to my family and friends.
- Has big mood swings, is angry and yelling at me one minute but is sweet and apologetic the next.
- Makes me feel nervous or like I’m “walking on eggshells.”
- Puts me down, calls me names, or criticizes me.
- Makes me feel like I can’t do anything right or blames me for problems.
- Makes me feel like no one else would want me.
- Threatens to hurt me, my friends or family.
- Threatens to hurt him or herself because of me.
- Threatens to destroy my things.
- Grabs, pushes, shoves, chokes, punches, slaps, holds me down, throws things or hurts me in some way.
- Breaks or throws things to intimidate me.
- Yells, screams, or humiliates me in front of others.
- Pressures or forces me into having sex or going farther than I want to.
Give yourself 1 point for every NO you answered to numbers one through four, one point for every YES response to numbers five through eight and five points for every YES to numbers nine and above.
Now that you’ve finished and have your score, the next step is to find out what it means. Simply take your total score and see which of the categories below apply to you.
Score: 0 Points
You got a score of zero? Don’t worry–it’s a good thing! It sounds like your relationship is on a pretty healthy track. Maintaining healthy relationships takes some work–keep it up! Remember that while you may have a healthy relationship, it’s possible that a friend of yours does not. If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, find out how you can help them.
Score: 1-2 Points
If you scored one or two points, you might be noticing a couple of things in your relationship that are unhealthy, but it doesn’t necessarily mean they are warning signs. It is still a good idea to keep an eye out and make sure there isn’t an unhealthy pattern developing.
The best thing you can do is to talk to your partner and let them know what you like and don’t like. Encourage them to do the same. Remember, communication is always important when building a healthy relationship. It’s also good to be informed so you can recognize the different types of abuse.
Score: 3-4 Points
If you scored three or four points, It sounds like you may be seeing some warning signs of an abusive relationship. Don’t ignore these read flags. Something that starts small can grow much worse over time. No relationship is perfect–it takes work! But in a healthy relationship you won’t find abusive behaviors.
Score: 5 or More Points
If you scored five or more points, you are definitely seeing warning signs and may be in an abusive relationship. Remember the most important thing is your safety–consider making a safety plan right now.
You don’t have to deal with this alone. We can help
(Adapted from: loveisrespect.org.)